Emmett Can Dress
by topaz addiction
Summary: Emmett and a pair of skinny jeans. Enough said. Hilarity ensues. Written with help from Stephanie, author of After Jacob's First Love. Rated T for a bit of language.


Bonjour! I'm currently vacationing in Virginia avec my best friend and it's brought on some inspiration. I'm a little proud of this. i don't know why exactly, i just sorta am. Anyone who's waiting for a _Heart to Hear_t update, when I get home on Monday I will be posting two new chapters. If you like _After Jacob's First Love_ then watch out! I've read what's coming and it's beyond amazing! I laughed, I cried, it moved me, Bob. And that is from Veggie Tales incase anyone is questioning my sanity. Which you might want to do anyways!  
OKAY! Pardon this huge A/N. On with the story!

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**Emmett Can Dress **

Emmett sat in his room staring at the outfit Alice had left for him to wear out that night. She'd decide one human experience – good or bad – Bella needed was to go to a club and get drunk. Emmett had whole heatedly agreed. And so it was planned that Alice, Emmett and Jasper would take her to a brand new club in Seattle and get her in, no questions asked, with the fake IDs Jasper had whipped up.

Now Emmett was regretting that a smidge. On the bed lay a perfectly fine black t-shirt with a band name printed across the front in white, light purple, electric blue, lime green and hot pink. Splatter marks surrounded the name in the same colours. And just under the shirt lay a pair of grey washed skinny jeans.

"Fuck," he said.

He decided he'd better get dressed before Alice came in and dressed him herself. He quickly slipped off his shirt and pulled on the band tee waiting for him. Easy part done. Then, swiftly, he whipped off his normal jeans and, at vampire speed, attempted to squeeze on the skinny jeans.

Now, there is one thing you must know. No matter how fast a person decides to get into skinny jeans, if your feet don't fit through, you're off to a bad start.

Emmett's feet had made it past the hips and thighs of the pants, but upon encountering the calf part of the pant leg his feet, being parallel to the ground, managed to get stuck with his toes bent up in a painful position.

"Fuck," he said again.

He pulled his legs back out and with a grudging sigh, slipped his feet in one at a time. After getting his feet through he unbunched them slowly as he slid them up his calves and most of his thighs. Everything had been going smoothly until he reached his boxers. He pulled the pants up and over the boxers but they bunched and pulled uncomfortably.

With a sigh of relief he kicked off the skinny jeans to put on a pair of his own jeans with the reasonable excuse of the skinny jeans not fitting. But, as he threw them on the bed, the air movement caught a piece of paper and blew it up off of the mattress and towards Emmett. He picked it up and in Alice's curly print was one word. _Commando_.

"Fuck," he whispered menacingly.

Pissed off, he took off his boxers and flung them across the room where they connected with Rosalie's nail polish collection and knocked half of them over. He covered his eyes with hand and shook his head.

"Fuck," he whimpered.

With all the pride washed out of him he pulled the skinny jeans over his feet, unbunched them up his calves and thighs and then once he had them finally pulled up, he tried to do up the zipper. _Tried_.

With little thought to his dignity he threw himself backwards on the bed and did something he'd seen Rose do countless times. He sucked in his stomach and fidgeted and wiggled around for a few minutes, playing with the button and zipper and then snapped them both into place.

During this scene, if one had had been standing at the opposite end of the room, looking towards the door and the end of the bed, this is what would be viewed: Emmett, in his last minute of struggling and Jasper walking in, all ready clad in a bright blue polo shirt and normal blue jeans with his hair pulled into an elastic at the bottom of his neck. He stops before he can get too far in the room and stares at Emmett. His face is a mix of horror, expectancy and shock. He stands there for two seconds before giving up on Emmett. He turns on the spot and swiftly exits.

Emmett stood up from the bed just in time to see Jasper's back retreating from the room.

"Fuck."


End file.
